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Understanding Emotional Triggers
Durga puja festival is going on, everyone and all age groups enjoying this festival, Some play dandiya, some celebrate as Navratri and some call it Durga puja.
It is the second last day of Durga puja, my teenager planned to go for puja with his friends. I specifically told him to be home by 9 pm. It’s almost 10 o’clock, and I am sick with worry.
As I pick up the phone to call him again, the front door opens. I can’t contain my emotion…
"Where have you been?"" Do you realize how worried I was?" "You never answered your phone! I said to be home by 9, not 10!"
Feeling like he’s under attack."Why are you making such a big deal out of it?" "I was the last one to get dropped off, and my phone died. It’s only been an hour, lot of traffic and the venue was crowded."
Then I figure out the genuine reason for being late.
If I can relate to this challenging parenting scenario, I am not alone. It’s common for parents.Parents values safety, communication and rules around curfew.Parents feel like the children's response mocks these values, which triggers a strong emotional reaction.
I can plan a more calm, effective response to my child’s behavior when I recognize my emotional triggers.
"Am I angry because my son appears to take curfew lightly?" " Do I feel hurt because my son doesn’t acknowledge my worry?" " Am I concerned with safety because of something that happened to me when I was young? "These are all good questions to ask me. Additionally, being aware of what “pushes my buttons” will help me recognize when I am in danger of overreacting.
There are also physical sensations that come with being triggered (i.e., heat rushing to my cheeks, tense muscles and ringing ears). If I feel these coming on, it’s a good time to put some distance between myself and my emotional response to my child.
I can say to myself, “I don’t have to fix this right now. I can talk about it later when I have a clear head.”
Going for a walk, talking with a friend or spending some quiet time alone are also good ways to decompress.
You are not alone. Happy Parenting.All the best.


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She is MSc in Mathematics; Post Graduate Diploma in computer application worked as Software Application Support in Singapore few years ago and then moved to Pune in 2004. She did MBA in Human Resources from SMU in Pune. She accepted a challenge to be an educator in an International school in Pune. Worked there for a year and learned great things “We all are from community of learners.” So currently, contributing to bring the revolutionary refinement in education system in India and bridging the gaps between parents and schools via schoolkhojo and with Madhurie Singh Founder and CEO of